ordained ministers...

RamboPreacher · Postby **RamboPreacher** » December 11th, 2010, 1:01 pm

Do you require that the couple participate in some kind of premarital counseling, or premarital guidance or something like that?

and by extension then, I will give my answer and say that I do require it. am I being to "strict"?

I have had a few couples that wanted me to perform the ceremony, but then decided otherwise when I mentioned that I required premarital guidance or counseling (It didn't' even have to be me, but I could). I got the direct feeling that it wasn't about me doing it or not, but rather that they didn't want to have to go through that. They just thought I would marry them.

I was approached by representative from one couple about a month before the wedding (a week ago, they want to be married on 1/1/11. they decided to find someone else that didn't have the requirement because they didn't "have the time".

free · Postby **free** » December 11th, 2010, 4:14 pm

Every couple I marry must meet with me no matter how old they are. If they refuse I will not do the ceremony (church member or not). This requirement has actually gotten me out of a lot of weddings from people who do not attend my church because they are not willing to make the commitment.

rev rick · Postby **rev rick** » December 11th, 2010, 5:44 pm

I require 4 visits (one together, his,hers, last together) questionair filled out, and sometime require reading (or promise to read). Whay do you request?

PastorDaniel · Postby **PastorDaniel** » December 12th, 2010, 12:27 pm

Depends on the situation and the couple being married. But I require at least One counseling session with myself. Stranger or not. In this session I go over the seriousness of the committment and scriptures about the vows that they are taking. More of a Bible Study type counseling. I'm not a mail order preacher and won't let them treat me that way.

I remember one guy working out of town and his girlfriend was coming into town and they wanted to get hitched. I agreed as long as they would meet me. We met at McDonalds for an hour. But afterwards I felt they were equally yoked and performed the ceremony standing at the edge of a huge cliff so they could see the mountains... :shock:

justsam · Postby **justsam** » December 12th, 2010, 1:31 pm

I strongly reccomend it, but since there is no biblical requirement for it, I don't require it.

scooter · Postby **scooter** » December 13th, 2010, 2:55 am

I do suggest and practice premarital counseling. However recently I've had couples getting saved who had been living together with children then wanting to get married. I normally scale down counseling for such couples in that they already understand what marriage is like.

Pastor Bill · Postby **Pastor Bill** » December 14th, 2010, 5:46 am

I always have, and feel it would be negligent not to. I have had many who didn't want to do it, and have had some find someone else, and that's OK.

Today's society takes marriage way too lightly, and it's the church's responsibility to teach what Marriage is in God's eyes. If they are Christians then they should want to go into marriage aware and prayed up for it. If they are not, then not only do they need to see this is a commitment not only to one another, but before God, but also they need to recognize that to truly have a solid marriage relationship they need that relationship with God as well.

Too often people want a pretty church wedding, but they don't want the church part. It needs to go together. I don't play basketball, it's not a part of my life, so I wouldn't have my wedding on a ball court. If you don't want God or His teachings in your marriage, then don't come to His house for the party.

darylscook · Postby **darylscook** » December 14th, 2010, 6:13 am

I am pretty strict. I require at least 2 sessions with me and then recommend 2 more with me or whoever. And, If a couple is living together and want a Christian marriage, they must commit to staying apart until the wedding day. I just explain that they are expressing a desire to have a Christian wedding and I want them from that point on to practice Gods Plan.

I do not charge any honorarium and will share that when they ask.

Scooter. I haven't really dealt with your situation although, I would probably require one informal session with them even if the whole process; their recognition of the need to be married, desire, session, and wedding only took a few hours time.

Pastor Daryl

scooter · Postby **scooter** » December 15th, 2010, 3:28 am

I have heard of area ministers banding together vowing not to marry anyone without premarital counseling.

RamboPreacher · Postby **RamboPreacher** » December 15th, 2010, 7:15 am

scooter wrote:I have heard of area ministers banding together vowing not to marry anyone without premarital counseling.

interesting.

I guess I just want to be sure I am making best effort as appropriate, and not going "overboard", so to speak. especially since I have a past and only wished that someone would have taken the time to make me do that in my distant past. but I don't want to be the "oversensitive, ex-smoker" either.

I appreciate all your counsel/advice, directions. Seems I am right on that same page with you.

Jude 2