Laugh for the day

[ImaPK]

Pure Polar Bear

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad,
am I pure polar bear?" The dad replies, "Sure you are
son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear,
your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all
polar bear."

Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and
asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?" She answers, "Of
course you are honey. I'm all polar bear, your father
is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and
his parents are all polar bear."

Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his
grandparents and asks, "Grandmom...Grandpop...am I all
polar bear?" His grandmother answers, "Of course you
are sweetie. We're all polar bear, your mother is all
polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents
are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?"

The baby polar bears replies, "Because I'm freezing!"

[ImaPK]

check out this site for the laugh of the day

put your cursor in the man's face and move it around...stop on his nose and see what happens...enjoy

http://www.expression.philips.com.br/ar ... comodo.swf

[panhandler]

it doesn't come up on my computer

[ImaPK]

Sorry yall...gimme a couple of minutes to find it again


Ok i'm sorry went back to site and it had been updated...i'll try to find another one

Ok go try this one...
http://www.expression.philips.com.br/ar ... comodo.swf

[ImaPK]

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the special was two eggs,bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.

"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering à la carte," the waitress warned her. "

You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously. "I'll take the special."

"How do you want your eggs?"

"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the two eggs home

[ImaPK]

Here's Thursday's funny

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.

She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her, "Hello, How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in ?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.

While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion And, my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were actually on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer. How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

"Czechoslovakia."

[Blended]

An Atheist's Hell
A young lady came home from a date looking rather sad. She told her mother, "Arthur proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

[ImaPK]

An Atheist's Hell
A young lady came home from a date looking rather sad. She told her mother, "Arthur proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

That must have been the conversation my ex and her mother had
(BTW I'm not an atheist)

[ImaPK]

A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took
it to the repair shop.

The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some
fun.

He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really
hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started
blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened.
She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you
doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to
blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her
roommate rolled her eyes and said...

"HELLLLOWW ... You gotta roll up the windowwwws..."

[panhandler]

A guy was sitting next to a priest on a plane. He was reading the paper and kept ordering drinks one after another. Finally, he looked over at the priest and asked " how do you get arthritis"? The priest said " I suppose by drinking and excessive womanizing". The guy said "oh, cause I'm reading here that The Pope has it".

[ImaPK]

Funny for Friday

Below are his tips for a happy marriage by Red Skelton, a comedian of a bygone age.

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds, hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in."

10. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

11. I married Miss Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always.

[ImaPK]

One Easter Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in Here?" "I know" a little boy exclaimed....."Pantyhose!"

A little boy in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed around the offering plates.

When they came near his pew, the boy said loudly, "Don't pay for me Daddy. I'm under five!"


The Sunday School teacher asked, "Now, Johnny, tell me, did you say prayers before eating the Easter meal?"

"No sir," he replied, "We don't have to. My mom is a good cook!"

[ImaPK]

Today's funny is in keeping with Easter and is a true story...

My Grandmother taught the PeeWee Class in Sunday School and the lesson on this particular Sunday was on the Crucifixion and the Grave...keep in mind that these kids were 4-6 years old...my cousin Jimmy had never been to church but my brother Tim invited him and we had picked him up so he could go...my Grandmother was telling the class "that the men had taken Jesus and whipped him and beat him and had put a crown of thornes on his head and had made him drag a heavy cross through the streets until he reached a hill at which time they took Jesus and layed him on the cross and hammered nails into his hands and feet and then stood the cross up and let Jesus hang there"...she paused a moment and then asked the class,"And where is Jesus now?"...before anyone could answer awestruck Jimmy spoke up and said,"Well I'd think he was in the hospital."

[ImaPK]

With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65-year-old woman was
able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the
hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit...

"May we see the new baby?" one asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for
awhile
first."

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the
new
baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the
baby now?"

"Not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?"

"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN HE CRIES??" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until he
CRIES??"

"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him....

[ImaPK]

Alice's cake


Alice was asked to bake a cake for the church ladies'
group bake sale. It slipped her mind until the last
minute.


She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from
the oven, the center had dropped flat. She said, "Oh
dear, there's no time to bake another cake."


In a panic, she looked around the house for something
to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in
the bathroom, a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it
in and covered it with icing. The finished product
looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church.


Alice then gave her daughter some money and
instructions to be at the sale the minute it opened,
to buy that cake (whatever the cost) and bring it
home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, Alice's
attractive cake had already been sold. Alice was
beside
herself.

A couple of days later Alice was invited to a friend's
home where the ladies group was playing bridge. After
the game a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off,
the cake in question was presented for dessert.


Alice saw the cake, she started to get off her chair
to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about
it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the
other ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!"


Alice sat back in her chair with total relief when she
heard the hostess say proudly, "Thank you, I baked it
myself."